Thursday, 16 December 2010

Move to home not working

Moving Margot back home is not going to happen at this moment. Our GP is on holiday and she makes up an important part of the home medical team. Even before that the doctors were concerned about providing adequate support. Since the first two days of upheaval Margot has become much more at peace in the hospital / hospice and she took the news calmly however she is not reacting to anything much at this time.

Each day we get less and less reaction from her which I guess is the way it goes. A few days ago she stopped speaking French although she still appears to understand the nurses. Today she hardly said a word. Most of my interaction with her has been by holding hands and touch with naps in between. I keep wondering what else I could be saying or doing.

I have received many e-mails from friends from Margot's various on-line communities offering prayers and messages of support. I am not sure how many of these messages are registering with her but they all mean a great deal to me. Thank you.



  1. Dear Nick, we regularly of course continue to read news you write concerning Margot and thank you for the time taken for that despite all problems you encounter. You can be assured we think to Margot very often. We can also imagine how the situation is difficult for you every day. You are very courageous.
    Avec toute notre amitié Agnès et Max

  2. Still here and still regularly checking in. It sounds great what you are doing, I'm sure she is aware of you and what you are doing for her and your lovexx Someone told me a person's favourite smell can be good when they are this weak? I thank you both for your courage to write and continue this blog at this time, it is a very special gift you give us. I am thinking of you both. Peace and strength to you both and the dogsxx Jane/Celticseahorse in Cornwall

  3. Cheryl (who usually posts as valrico canine)16 December 2010 at 14:48:00 CET

    Nick - I wasn't sure if you were reading the lists, so I always post here. It's too bad Margot can't go home yet. Hopefully when the GP comes back, she can.

    I know it's hard, but I don't know if there is anything you can really say to her - other than talking about memories. That might also get her stimulated so she talks more, or, if she is that weak that it's tiring to talk, at least, with you talking about some fun times you've had together, it will brighten her day. I bet it would make her feel really good to know that you remember special times and fun times.

    It doesn't matter if she doesn't seem to register the messages - that you bring them to her shows her that you and everyone else cares and is thinking of her - that's all that needs to register. On the chance that things ARE registering with her, but she has slipped into depression because of her condition, you should keep talking to her about things you've done and, if you feel like it, passing on the messages. She just might be so depressed that she gives off the impression that it's not registering, when she might really be too down to respond properly.

    I would be afraid that if you stopped talking to her about all that is familiar to her, it would worsen her condition.

    Tell her stories about the dogs, the neighbors, what people online are writing, what happened to you when you were home, describe the snow, remember the trips to Spain and other places, remember a tender moment after you guys got married, all kinds of stuff to help keep her spirits up as much as is possible under these conditions.

    Will they let you bring one of the dogs to visit? That might cheer her up a tad - as much as a person who is that sick can be cheered up. Dogs do wonders for really sick people.

    Tell her I still have the candles lit for both of you and I think about you both every day.

  4. Sir, it's agonizing reading your words... much more so for you to write them as I imagine you are choosing them carefully. From experience, say the words you wish her to hear before she passes. Now is the time.

    Tell her I enjoyed all of our debates. I appreciated more than words can express how she counseled, advised, and downright harangued me during my worst times. Tell her I'll always treasure the pictures of C that she edited. Tell her I love her and I will miss her on this earth.

    She is one of a kind. So are you. Please make sure you have people around you to help you through this.

    You're a good man, an honorable man - I'm not surprised because Margot chose you. Peace, my friends, and all the love in the world.

    Doobie and Caitlin

  5. To Margot: Find peace dear friend. To Nick: Be strong, be with her and know you are loved. I don't know what else to say at this point.

  6. Nick, she knows you're there, and that is what matters to her, and what she needs.
    Please tell her how much we miss her, and that we are thinking about her, and you.

  7. Margot is a truly exceptional woman and friend. More than once she offered advice and wisdom that changed me, for the better. I love and miss her.

    Nick, I want to thank you for being so strong for Margot and for all of us. She knows how much you love her and I am sure that means the world to her.

    I wish you both continued strength and peace.

  8. Nick -

    Your presence speaks volumes to her. Others have said it much better than I can. I have no words to express the gratitude and love I have for you both.

    ...and Zazou, and Danza, and Waldeaux too!

  9. Nick,
    Thank you so much for continuing to blog in addition to being there for Margot. Please let her know that all the shar-pei are wishing they could come visit her and snuggle with her and let her know how loved she is. They know the Chows dont snuggle or give kisses, but they have been doggy-whispering to them that Margot might like it. I ditto all that everyone has said. You are a gem. Margot is a gift to all who know her. Peace be with you both.

    Much love, Joleen, Rachelle and all the pei.

  10. Nick,
    Margot is the most amazing person who has touched the lives of so many people and helped them in so many ways. Like Lindsey said, Margot has changed my life as well. Please tell her how much she is loved and cherished now, and how much she will be missed if the time comes. I will miss our very long email pen pal sessions, I've missed them for awhile. She's given me so much good advice over the years, there will be a huge void in my life with no Margot.

    Please keep giving her everyone's thoughts and prayers. Even if she doesn't remember or understand them all some of it has to stay with her and comfort her. Above all, know that you are being thought of as well. This can't be easy for you, please be sure you are taking care of yourself as well as Margot. I do like Cheryl's suggestion, take one of the dogs if you are allowed. Our dogs visit the nursing home here and the smiles on some of the residents faces when they see the dogs is priceless.

    Thank you Nick for keeping us all updated.

    I have created a Facebook group open to anyone who knows Margot.... it's to help anyone who is having a tough tiime deal with Margot's illness. We are able to share with each other that way. It can be found here: All are welcome.

    Kim Peters, Scott, Kyle, Duncan, Kacey, Skye and Joey.