Quick Visit

In and out of hospital for three days.  With my usual habit of telling myself "jack" stories, I'd managed to convince myself that my back was O.K., but my kidneys were going.  Probably the catheter was killing me.

I pissed off the doctors and nurses by refusing all pain meds except paracetamol, but I'm not cut out to be a morphine addict.   It takes weeks to get rid of the mouth and throat dryness and the after taste of withdrawal. 


Scans and x-rays showed nothing wrong with my kidneys, so I guess it is my back, again. Monday evening I'm interviewing a new GP; I'll ask for physio.

I'm still too tired to do anything except get dressed, but yesterday we had the yearly lunch with our neighbours where we used to live in Rémuzat.  Six hours at the lunch table and we were the second people -- only -- to leave.  I ate more than I've eaten for 3 weeks and promptly threw most of it up.  It had tasted good going down, though.

In fact, the food was so magnificent (cooked by a Belgian neighbour and his wife) that we are sworn to not discuss the meal -- to avoid a real estate rush, everyone wanting to live in La Combe and pushing property prices up.  (Yes sirree, the wine was flowing.)  This would  be good news only to the people who bought our house and  are now selling to return to the bright lights of Brussels.

A couple of friends who were there were supposed to visit today, but are suffering the aftermath.  Evidently the "lunch" didn't break up until 10:30.

It's been so long since I've written. . .

. . . that you're all going to stop writing me.

I may not have a back problem.  I think I have a kidney problem.  Blood in urine.  Feels like infection, but no infection.  I think the catheter is causing problems and the medicines are making me sick.  Stopped the meds and hurt more this morning, so I had to go back to the morphine.  Going to the doctor.

Have you noticed that the doctors seem to mess me up as often as they do me some good?

Hubris & Nemesis

En français ci-dessous.

2nd edition with French translation. Warning: Using the French translation for academic purposes could be dangerous for your grades and ambitions.

* * *

I've been bragging on the French health system. Well, everyone's got problems. I'll try to keep to the short version.

As near as I can figure, another hospital is having staffing problems and the oncologist from my hospital is spending half her time there. Or something. Whatever, she has not responded to any of my phone calls for 3 or 4 weeks, so that I haven't been able to complain, yet again, that the current chemo protocol is totally ineffective.

In addition to being able to feel the tumours with my fingers, I am losing control of my bladder. To empty it requires pushing on my stomach and there are occasional leaks. I believe, but may be wrong, that the sciatica that is crippling me is not caused by my usual back problem, but the tumors pressing on the nerve. So, finally, I arranged for a scan elsewhere, had a series of blood tests and, yesterday, saw an oncologist at the cancer institute in Avignon.

The bad news: My CA-125 is over 2000, again, the tumours have about doubled in size (I knew that without the scan) and have probably invaded my kidneys. I have an appointment with a urologist in Orange tomorrow afternoon and there is the possibility of radiology or surgery following that. He'll do the evaluation.

The good news: I have an appointment at the Léon Béard Center in Lyon next Friday. It is "the reference" for research/treatment centers in the region.

How I feel: Angry, leg in constant pain, not very mobile, pissed off, not exactly frightened, but somewhere in there, tired (platelets down to 35), annoyed and vulnerable.

* * *

Mauvaise traduction du blog:

Je vantais le systeme des soins en France. Or, tout le monde a des problèmes. En court:

J'entends dire que l'hôpital de Montpellier manque des médecins et l'oncologue de l'hôpital de Montélimar passe une partie de son temps là-bas. N'importe. Elle n'a pas répondu à mes coups de fils depuis 3 ou 4 semaines, donc je n'était pas pu me plaindre, encore, que le protocol actuel de la chimio est completement inefficace.

Je peux toucher les tumeurs avec des doigts et je perds la mâtrise de la vessie. Il faut pousser sur la ventre pour la vider et, des fois, il y a des fuites. Je crois -- mais peût-être en erreur -- que la sciatique que me fait estropiée vient de la pression des tumeurs, pas du disque. Enfin, j'ai eu le scanner ailleurs, a fait faire une prise de sang et, hier, a vu un oncologue à l'Institut Sainte Catherine à Avignon.

Les mauvaises nouvelles: Le CA-125 est à plus de 2000 de nouveau, les tumeurs sont deux fois la taille qu'ils ont eu en mai (j'ai le dirais sans scanner) et ont envahi les reins. J'ai un rendez-vous avec un urologue à Orange demain soir et il y aura la possibilité de la radiologie our la chirugie après. L'urologue déciderait.

Les bonnes nouvelles: J'ai un rendez-vous avec un oncologue au Centre Léon Bérard à Lyon, la réference des soins pour la région, vendredi, 7 aôut.

Comment je vais en moi: fachée, jambe douleureuse, pas très mobile, fachée, pas exactement peureuse, mais un peu, fatiguée (plaquettes à 35), fachée, et vulnerable.